potatoesoftheworld

Is it bad to be the one to break off the relationship?
Is it bad to be angry with family?
Is it bad to skip out on homework?
Is it bad that i have no real home?
Is it bad that i don't belong?
Is it bad that i cry myself to sleep?

lilalee

This reminds me of questions I had to God when I was 14. No Tater it's not bad, it's growing up, growing pains, being female, and passionette!! Your fine, your loving, and experiancing life. Young life. Accept the things you cannot change, and change the things you can. Some day you will have all the answers to your questions, and by then there will be new questions!! Just love yourself!!

marius

Tater, lilalee said it all and very well too! Sometimes when I look back at age thirteen, I wish I could have talked about the things that troubled me. You are doing that! Maybe someday you can tell us if being able to talk about your difficulties helped you. My bet would be YES! (In my experience, seems like talking is often a great answer to life's challenges.)

We're so glad you're still here and I LOVED your comment about your TD friends being extra grandparents! : )

spam

As a grandparent I am so glad you felt you could ask these questions of your TD friends they are here for you and they have answered you wisely. Being a teenager and growing up is tough feels like you are climbing mountains some days. Keep talking to your TD friends, be strong and do not loose heart, always believe in yourself.

Qsilv

personally, I'm not very into good/bad.... tho' I'm big on ethics and altruism.
Just for a slightly different twist on it all, for "bad" (or "good") you can always try substituting "appropriate" . . . .

debray

Tater, I am 43 yrs old and I still ask these questions...There are no wrong or right answers to questions such as these....You sound like a very sensitive person...I know of a website that helped me alot with my sensitivity.....it is Highlysensitivepeople.com....There are alot of characteristics of sensitivity and one of them is being creative...Read all of the characteristics and see if they sound like you...It will help you understand yourself and why you feel you don't fit in...You should also know that there are alot of books written on the subject of high sensitivity, which could save you alot of pain and sadness in the years to come...please read about it...I hope that it helps you......Debray

potatoesoftheworld

I should tell you guys how my life is going... i should start ALL the way from the beginning. My story often makes people cry:

My mom is only 29, even though i am 13. She had me in High School. My mom almost had an abortion, but didn't. I was an accident baby. My mom got kicked out of school, cuz thats what happens when your pregnant in high school.

When i was 2 my mom had my brother. He died, and i don't like to talk about it. We got rid of all of his things, but secretly, i kept on to his little red shoe. Take it out and talk to him in heaven sometimes. He would be 11 now. Sometimes I take the shoe out and smile. Sometimes i take the shoe out and cry. Sometimes i take the shoe out and think. That shoe is one of my best friends. My brother's name was Nathan.

My mom had my sister when i was 3. I am often angry with her, since she turned 8, she turned teenager. She is always yelling and screaming and she backtalks. She embarasses me by talking about how stupid i am and how stupid my friends are and how anyone that would ever like me is stupid. Then she says i am in love with all these mentally retarded kids at our school. I'm not. She is just a jerk. Now she's ten, and i am considering moving in permanently with one of my parents, so i won't have to be with her, then maybe the fighting will stop.

Then i growd up.

Then my friends died.

Then i tried to forget all about the fact that everyone i come to love dies.

Then i got a new best friend.

Her mom dies, and i am the only one she wants to be there for her.

Then i got a boyfriend. He was funny and smart. He was in advanced classes with me and everything. We were best friends. Everything was perfect. Then he died (actually, he just moved to Ohio, but same thing).

Then i got a new boyfriend a couple weeks later. We were not working out. I broke off the relationship and everyone in school kept asking me why? And glaring at me like i was a bad person.

Right now, custody crap sucks. I am thrown between two parents every day. I wish i could spend more time with my mom, but lawyers don't care about what i want. They just want their stupid money my dad gives them.

There's a lot more... but that's enough for one post...

potatoesoftheworld

A reply would be nice...

polenta

SPEAK TO MOM AND DAD POTATOES

lilalee

Tater, my mom was 16 when she had me also, and have to say, she resented me all her life, and told me so. I didn't like my mom, but I did love her. Wanted to be loved by her the way she cared about my younger siblings. She never did. Now that she is gone, I wish I could have one more day with her. I realize now she was a child when she had me, her parents died when she was young.

Right now you are maturing, and this is the time in your life where you need someone to talk to about your feelings with out being judged. The age you are now, is probably the hardest of growing up. You are still a child, who needs nurturing, and parental attention.

Don't pay no attention to what your sissy says, as she is just testing waters, and probably going through some of the same things you are.

You have written before about people you know dieing, and sad as it is, it's part of all our lives. Hang on to your brothers shoe, as it keeps you grounded in a special way.

Boyfriends?? Don't let them take advantage of you, when you are down. You are Tater, and Tater is tough, and strong, and someday you will be a happy girl inside, and your heart filled with love and joy. Just hang in there, as you are you, and growing up is not easy. Have plans and goals in your life, and look forward to all the good things to come. Remember, we at TD just adore you!! You are loved by us all!!

marius

Ahh Tater ... (nodding like Qsilv does and smiling cause there is a *wonderful* spirit in you).

First, sorry to hear of your difficulties. You've had to go through a lot of painful things for one so young. Hope things turn around soon and they will, but hard to believe that when one is not feeling good. : )

Second: I find it remarkable that you can share. When I was a kid I kept it bottled up and that makes things worse because you end up isolated and you start believing you are the only one to have such troubles. So, in my view, you're doing quite well. Are you feeling good? Well, no, doesn't sound like you are but you seem to be handling it.

Third: Life has difficulties. People get pregnant before they want, parents get divorced, people die, judges don't make sense, friends criticize you for things they don't understand and siblings can be royal pains in the arse. I remember going to school with big bruises and black eyes and a teacher asking what I did to make my dad hit me. Um ... nothing, I had no control over his drinking and rages. So, yeah, I know what hard times are and would bet that many on TD and many at your school also know.

Fourth: I think the things that helped the most were:
-a belief that somewhere people knew how to love and someday I'd meet those people and know how to love too
-remembering to laugh, play, have fun, make friends, and develop skills and talents.
-praying (although, for a long while things were so bad at my house I stopped believing in God. Took a long while to find forgiveness and understanding because I felt God should have just fixed my Mom and Dad and he didn't.) But, tee hee, I learned how to love and that makes me feel really good cause my poor parents, I don't think they ever had a chance to learn how to love. I figure, if they could not learn how to love, at least one of their kids could and did. I feel very lucky to be able to love, to be able to care about others. It's a gift!

Fifth: Keep talking! We all care about you ... even if we only know you through the Internet!

potatoesoftheworld

I hate that my brother died... I just kept it all bottled up all my life... then i cried for hours today...

All i have left of him is a little red shoe (see my last message)

marius

No, you have more of your brother than a little red shoe! You have your thoughts and feelings about him and ... you also have other people who remember him. Tater, sometimes our parents are not able to hear us the way we need to be heard ... but you seem like a pretty brave person. Maybe it would help both you and your Mom if you told her about the red shoe and your feelings about your brother. It wouldn't surprise me if she's had trouble grieving his death too. If that is not an option, please consider the school counselor. These counselors have heard everything and there is nothing you could say that would shock them. I wish we'd had school counselors because I might have gone. My parents were unable to be there for me, to talk about things and this is the case for many kids ... that's why there are counselors, ministers and so forth.

Thanks for sharing about your brother. Hang in there. We all care.

sheftali52

Hi Tater--you are indeed a brave person for sharing your feelings. Others have offered many good thoughts, and I can't improve on their ideas. But, I am impressed with your strength and am convinced that you will overcome many things and keep moving ahead. Thanks for trusting in your friends here at TD. And I agree with marius--you have a lot of your brother besides the little red shoe, and no one can take away the memories from you. Sending a big hug your way.....

coho

Pototoes of the world, one thing I can tell you for sure, being a teenager can suck BIG TIME!!!! I was out on my own at 13 and life only got better after age 30. Death also sucks BIG TIME. My dog Lass died 4 years ago at age 16 1/2 and I still often cry when I think of her. With feelings there is no right or wrong, they just exist as a feeling in the body. If you pay close attention to the feelings in your body you may begin to notice that there is a connection between thoughts and feelings. certain thoughts will make you feel one way, and other thoughts will make you feel another way. I find it really helps me when I'm in troubled times to remember to Choose thoughts, and things to do, that bring me joy, and give me good feelings too. Don't neccesarily ignore the troubling things, but at least give equal time to things that make you feel good.
What is never taught in school is how to really use our minds, what we think, and focus our thoughts on, is often how we experience the world. I am always happy out in nature and take my cues for right living from the natural world. It is important to be kind, and remember to be kind to ones self. I used to berate myself for being messy, no matter what I do my drawers are always a complete mess. One day I found a mouse nest and thought to myself, " Hey that looks just like the inside of my dresser drawers." every mouse in the world does it like that, why shouldn't I?" I have never worried about my messy drawers since and don't care what people think about it. My friends cat accidently got pregnant at the very young age of six months, these things just happen and we would never dream of scolding or blaming the cat, your mom is doing the best she knows how at this time. The kittens all got good homes and turned out fine. So will you. Believe it or not, most of us feel we could have had better parents. I'm the opposite of you, my parents were really old, in their 40's. I always wished i had perfect parents in their 20's or 30's. I can truly say- there is no instruction manual for life, there are no rules, we are all just winging it. Your sister does sound like a little twerp. She probably bugs you because she wants attention, because all young creatures want attention. Maybe you could find some special thing that you can do together, that will satisfy the attention she so craves. I took in a stray cat that always demanded attention. She was very, very, annoying. I started giving her really focused attention. I petted her several times for a whole hour or more, she finally had enough. She is now more balanced, and easily satisfied in her need for attention. And no longer a pest! Pay your sister No Never Mind about who your friends are. Some of the best, most interesting people to accquaint yourself with are people who do not follow the status quo of popularity. Follow your heart, use common sense, pay no attention to people who try and manipulate things by bad mouthing others!
Learn to trust your intuition and your life will be led in the right direction. Intuition is another thing not taught in school that is of utmost importance. I can highly recommend several authors that i have found to have a lot of integrity and are down to earth about intuition. Marta Williams is an animal communicator and has some great practical books "Learning Their Language" and "Beyond Words" She has made believers out of people who are complete skeptics. Like Me! What works for animals works for people. She has a website and a blog that always cheers me up.www.martawilliams.com The other person I like is Sonia Choquette she has several books and a website. I have found her practical advice quite kind and helpful. she's a good storyteller. How they have helped me is , learning to have more confidence and trust in myself, the universe, for finding a good path to follow in this life and being confident making day to day choices for myself. They also have some interesting things to say about death. Like before you go to sleep, ask for a dream about your little brother. Maybe he'll come and visit you in the dream world. It is possible! These important life skills that are not taught in schools,( tho they are in other cultures ) and are much more useful for finding your way in the real world than most of the stuff you learn in school. ( However- as much as I hated math--- In my adult life I've used it constantly, especially geometry, and fractions, building, sewing, baking you name it!) Learn the basics but go after the stuff that really interests and excites you! And yes being a teen ager IS REALLY HARD at times but completely normal!

belladonnis

Tater Chip........ you have gone through so much for one so young. You are such a bright, smart young lady.
Your little brother and your friends, though they may not walk on this earth are still here with you......in your heart. Its ok to cry, think or even talk to those that have passed because I feel their souls are very much alive.
I am so glad that you can open up and share your feelings here but I hope that you can also share your feelings with someone in your family as well. Talking and sharing our troubles, fears and hopes is a way for us to heal what hurts us, fight what scares us and find what calls to each of us.
Your little sis may be reacting to all the stress in your lives in a way that causes her to be a BIG pain! Have you tried talking to her about her feelings? She may have alot of the same fears that you have but is afraid or just doesnt know how to voice them.
Boyfriends at your age may seem to be fun to have, but true friends that you can talk to no matter what gender is the best friends to have.
Be true to yourself and the people you love, ignore the ones that glare at you or talk about you, they are not worth a second thought.
And always remember even if it feels as if you are, you are never alone.
We care about you Tater Chip!

marius

Hope you're feeling better today, Tater. Gotta say ... wish all these TD folks had been around when I was a kid because there is a lot of wisdom in what they have shared!

Anyway, think Sheftali hit the nail on the head and it seems everyone agrees that you are a smart and capable young lady who possesses a great amount of inner strength. That being the case, it got me to wondering who might be needing some of your skills and talents and caring. Only you can find the answer to that, but have to say one of the most wonderful blessings in life is that no matter how trying certain times can be ... it has ALWAYS helped to be able to help someone else.

For some reason I can see you starting up the first ever Grief-Workshop in your school ... a place where kids who have lost someone can come and share their stories, a place where you help each other heal. Or maybe you are interested in nature and can organize a 'clean up the parks' program. Maybe you want to pull someone in to help with whatever helping project you choose - maybe your grandmother, maybe a good friend.

The lists of places and people that need help are endless, the ways to help are endless and the only limit ... well, there really isn't one. The benefits? Tee hee - you'll have to find that out for yourself.

Wishing you a good day and many more to follow! : )

spam

Potato of the world there are many wonderful comments here which know you will try to take in to help you along. Always be true to yourself and never ever be afraid to cry or show your feelings. NO ONE can take away your precious memories they will always be with you in your heart and your head. Marius haas some good ideas in the posting above. You will come through this because you are strong. You have talked to us all perhaps now you can talk with others closer to you. Take care and hope you have a better day.

Dragon

I really can't improve on what others have said Taters, I can throw my weight into what's been written here though. You do indeed seem to me to be a down to earth person, and you seem like a really smart kid. I very much think I'd enjoying knowing you in the real world. You remind me a lot of my sister (the sister I like the most). She's got a real wry sense of humour and a very sensitive nature.
I hope you can find someone to really talk things out with, whether it be a councilor at school or a good friend or someone in your own family. Keep in mind too that even though things may seem like they're never going to get better eventually they will. You may have to slog through some terrible times to get to the good times but the good times are out there and you will find them.
Keep checking in with us, there's a whole lot of wisdom in the people on this site and a whole lot of people who care about you even though we've never met you in person.
Don't be afraid to have a good cry, nobody ever got healthier by bottling up their feelings. I've never really been one to let my feelings out in public but I've found it can really help to have a welcoming pillow to cry into. If there's someone out there whose shoulder you can cry on, even better, but not a neccesity.
We're here for you Taters.

GOLDIEGIRL8

Taters the only things I can suggest are that you speak to ur parents and try NOT 2 bottle up ur feelings. (It does NOT work.) Try to always smile even if ur sad. (if u smile, in a few minutes you'll actually feel better) and lastly, try not to let sadness control ur life. Stand up 2 it and say: I'm gonna b happy, sadness. SO GO AWAY!!! Thats all i can suggest, hope it helps!