sheftali52

Oh, good to hear you're okay, solo. We did miss you.

marius

Solosater: letting you know there is info on Baldur Radio that fits iperfectly under this thread. On post 2577, page 129, there is mention of hugging issues. The discussion continues onto other pages and talk involves sensory and touch issues. Maybe not necessary to post here - but at least folks can go read it if they so desire. : )

solosater

So I said I'd catch up and get back with ya'all and nope, I haven't yet.

I have no motivation and can't seem to keep a thought in my head so while I do think about it often I get distracted by some shiny object on my way to the computer and completely forget.

Well, I'm here now and this will not be in response to any of the posts you have made as I haven't yet read them ( I will, I promise!) but just a little update on my life over the last couple of weeks.

I got called in to do a pet-sitting job at the last minute when the sitter originally set to do the job had to have emergency surgery for a lump on her breast. The job was for a very nice couple who in addition to being regular working class Americans also run a not for profit animal rescue. I do believe that all the dogs under my care are the "keepers".

There was Chewy, a smallish terrier mix with the cutest snaggle toothed under bite and more energy than any three dogs should have (and an aversion to pottying in the great outdoors). She was lots of fun, we got on just fine.

There were Yogi and Booboo a Golden Retriever mix and a Black Lab. Yogi didn't seem to recognize me at night and so barked every time I went outside to get Chewy to use the facilities or to empty the garbage or whatever but by the fourth night he seemed to warm to the idea. I couldn't get his name right for anything! I called him Ogi, Yoda, Oda, Odie and Yoly (there's also a Oly which would explain that one at least) He may have been barking in protest of my mangling his name. Booboo, not to be left out, barked at me every time too but at least he didn't run scared when I tried to feed him. They were perhaps not as much fun but at least they didn't bite or pee in the house:-)

There was Miss Kitty (not a cat) an Akita mix, sweet as sugar but a little naughty. She routinely hordes her goodies until everyone else is finished with theirs then growls and snaps if they get near her (this may be why they are called bitches). I felt bad that we didn't play more but she seemed content to laze around with me.

Then there was Oly. Oly is a two year old Mastiff mix and one very sick puppy.

While planning their trip to visit her very ill father, they noticed a lump on Oly's side. The vet referred them to a surgeon who said it couldn't wait; if he didn't have it removed right now it would likely grow past being operable and kill him. Of course no one wants to leave their sick dog in the care of a stranger and just hope for the best but they couldn't put the trip off as her father was gravely ill and the surgery also had to happen so I got to care for Oly while they cared for her dad.

Oly's tumor was only slightly smaller than a basketball and they had to remove four ribs as well and reorganize his organs to fit into the cavity so his stomach wouldn't fall into the chest and choke him to death. He had his surgery on Friday and his parents flew out on Saturday early.

I visited him on Saturday evening and met his doctor and learned my duties. When I first saw him I looked right by him; he looked like a very healthy animal who had perhaps had a sore spot or something to account for the cone. He was quite obviously full of energy and ready for anything. I was astounded by how well he was. The doctors all said they were waiting for the other shoe to drop as they expected something to go wrong, it usually does.

I got to take him home on Sunday and aside from needing a little help getting into the car he was fine. He wanted to get in the front seat with me but I explained how I couldn't see around the cone and he laid down in the back for me. He didn't even need help getting out.

I wish you could see the incisions. There were three (about six to eight inches long) that came together in the middle like spokes on a wheel and three more (four to five inches long) surrounding a flap of skin they moved from his back to his side to help with the redistribution of things. I may post a photo on my Myspace page if I can get it off my phone and onto the net, I'll let you know.

I was prepared for hell to break loose and for stitches to come apart and for pained wailing and infection and infighting with the others. My biggest problem, in fact my only problem, was keeping him calm (and staying out of the way of the killer cone, my legs may never be the same). He actually jumped the gate the first day home, it had to be at least shoulder height to him and he jumped it like it wasn't there! The other dogs were not interested in the wounds and pretty much left him alone; Chewy played with him some and napped with him some.

I made myself sick worrying about all the ways this could go terribly awry and it came out better than anyone could have even hoped for. Oly will still have to have chemotherapy and will likely not live as long as he should but according to the doctors he will probably last a year maybe two.

I've never ever thought major intervention was the right way to go when an animal is sick. I find it selfish in the extreme to put a beloved pet through painful surgeries or sick making medication so we can have a little more time with them. You cannot reason with them they cannot understand why they are being poked and prodded and yet they will love you till they die of it. I've witnessed animals whimpering in pain and pleading with their eyes for someone to end their suffering to just let them go. If it were legal I'd put my mother down rather that watch her go through the painful process of dying and I know she'd do the same for me.

On this one occasion I would have been SO wrong! I'm so very glad Oly's parents decided to give him this chance.

solosater

I posted the picture of Oly on Myspace.

Go to http://myspace.com/solosaterc click on the "Photos" button next to my picture then (you do not need to login) click on the "Coco & Co" album. Oly is the last one on the second page. It's just the wound; I haven't got all the photos up yet.

solosater

Sorry that sounds a little pushy. If you want to see the photo please feel free, if you don't please do not;-)

lynnspotter

WOW! Solo. That must be one special dog to be that active after going through so much! Glad none of your worries panned out!

marius

Wow, solosater, great story! Glad that dog has been given more time since it seems to be enjoying life so much! Glad it was a good experience for you too! Spouse talks about "taking the Kavorkian highway" when it's time. Of course, not legal, but I'm kind of with you on the idea. Told spouse to find me an ice floe and let me float out to sea - but with global warming, there might not be any left when my time comes and we do not live near ice floes anyway! : )

On the other side of things, my friend with the terminal illness has been clinically dead twice. She is reaching the end of the five year prediction for death and she says as long as she can have some joy in life, she wants to be here. I know we all appreciate having her around. No one thought she'd make it so long and the doctors do not understand why she is still alive. I think it's love. She loves life, loves her family, her friends and she is loved back.

maddyjean08

Sometimes things work that way. I once had a filly called Cinnabar. She was standing in the pasture with her mom when Cheetah (another horse) broke down the gate. This scared Cinnabar out of her wits so she ran straight into a barbed wire fence. Some of her cuts were so deep you could see her bones. The vet was positive she would die. She didn't. She's alive. Go to this link for a picture. http://ctranchappaloosas.com/Future%20stock.html

maddyjean08

actually, try this one.
http://ctranchappaloosas.com/Future%20brood%20stock.html

maddyjean08

she's the second one.

solosater

She's beautiful maddy!

I love the pedigree names. We used to breed Toy Poodles and while we named all of our dogs "normal" names like Phoenix and Indiana, our first bitch was an accidental rescue named Conner's Red Striped Candy Cane or some such.

We just called her Candy.

I definitely think the whole assisted suicide thing is a slippery slope but when the joy of life is gone and all that is left is agony I think the person should be able to die in peace. I see the point that in many cases the one making the choice may not have the best interest of the person in mind and certainly that is not to be allowed. When a person is still lucid enough to make choices for themselves they should be allowed to make it part of their medical directive or living will or whatever and save themselves and their families the suffering.

I'm off again; I'll check in later.

maddyjean08

Suicide is pretty painful. My great aunt's friend Charlie commites suicide and now she feels like doing the same.

solosater

I've always thought that suicide is very selfish. On the other hand unless a person is out of there minds they wouldn't even consider it as an option.

That is not to say that everyone who has committed suicide is crazy or should have been locked up in a "loony bin". What I mean to say is that a person contemplating suicide has to be in such pain that it seems to be the only way out. That pain can come from many different places, it could be physical, emotional, mental, or even perhaps spiritual.

My go to reaction is generally homicide in that if the people around me would just behave I would be fine but a lot of people live with suicidal thoughts every day of their lives and some find that they cannot withstand the draw of an end to their suffering. I cannot imagine what that must be like but in this day and age with all the stress and pain we go through on a daily basis I can empathize.

I don't think suicide is the right way to go for most people and certainly not if things have a possibility of getting better but some things are so painful and so hard on a person that they may see it as the only option. People with terminal illnesses who are nearing the end of the course and who have no more treatment options whose only choice is to live for a few more weeks in agony or take an overdose of pain medication or sleeping pills and fall asleep and just not wake up for more pain are the ones who I think should have that option.

Too, people who are so far gone in their own minds that they are scared to live, though that is where the slippery slope comes in, who knows what they want? My step-father's mother was Polish and escaped during the war but lived through hell before she did. During the last year of her life she never came out of those memories for more than a few minutes at a time during which she would cry about her lost sisters and parents because even though reliving that terrible time was horrid coming back to reality to realize that her family had not made it was devastating. I can't see what purpose was filled by her going through that or her son and daughter having to witness their mother waste away and hurt so badly. I would have ended that for all of them if it were legal. Again I hope someone would do the same for me.

I don't know your aunt's story but grief has an end or at least a lessening over time and hopefully your aunt will be strong enough to get through it.

I've never lost anyone to suicide and I hope to never have to deal with it but ending pain is different and sometimes the only end to pain is death.

Dragon

I think Doctor-assisted suicide kind of falls under a different category of than people who do it because of depression or what not. When someone's body is dying around them and they are in constant pain their passing away can actually be a blessing to both themselves and the family that has to watch their pain. But solo's right, it's a very slippery slope. Where do you draw the line between helping someone out of their misery and simply making a decision for your own benefit?

Robindcr8l

As a nurse I have a very strong opinion on ass9sted- suicide. I am here to tell you that it goes on legally and ethically all the time. In most, if not all states, it is legal to give a lethal dose of medication if it is for palliative reasons. So a doctor can, for instance, write an order for a patient to receive IV morphine and IV ativan every 30 minutes until comfortable, knowing that the dosage will likely kill the patient. Most of the time it is up to the nurse to administer it. I have worked with nurses who refused to administer lethal doses of meds for moral or ethical reasons, but have never seen anyone want to take the orders given to an ethics committee or report the MD. They simply refuse to particiapte and a defferent nurse will give the meds. Someone who is comfortable with doing it. In every case, the family has been well-aware of what was going on, and very supportive. It is much easier to miss someone than to watch them suffer, trust me. I have never seen this abused in any way, and even know it occurs in home settings under hospice nursing.

As soon as people try to legalize assisted suicide, it invites the government legislatures to bring their own morals and beliefs to the table. Pretty soon it is being outlawed and people are going to jail. Now a nurse who would otherwise be totally comfortable participating in this act of kindness would be reluctant to do so for fear of legal repercussions, or threat to her license and livelihood.

My point is, it is already legal and ethical, and does not need all of the publicity of trying to get actual laws passed or worse yet, lawas against it passed. Leave the system to work as it does. You may be very grateful someday that no one messed with it.

maddyjean08

Charlie was, I think, an alchoholic

solosater

Robin, I was aware of that actually and I agree that messing with the system is no good for all the same reasons.I think the only time I really worry about it is in cases where the person is not in physical pain where a doctor may be reluctant to order those palliative care drugs.

Patients who suffer with severe dementia or are actually unconscious or I guess more accurately comatose and for who there is no hope of a recovery are the ones I think should have the option. Again, I do think it would have to be something people put in a living will or medical directive and something they had spoken with their family or legal representative about well before it became an issue so it wouldn't become an issue.

Also I think, again with prior consent, for the people who know they are going to have to go through a long term downward spiral of pain and suffering before they get to the point of palliative care being their only option they should have the option to forgo the horror at some point and just end it.

I would never lobby for it or in any way try to change the law as I do believe it would do more damage than good but this is what I would like if it were me facing the pain and suffering; I'd like the choice to end it.

solosater

maddy, I believe a great number of addicts contemplate suicide and that it isn't unusual for them to commit suicide. I don't think it's right or should be swept aside because they are addicts just that those are very depressed people and often self hating too. I think it's not surprising that they chose this option.

I often would worry we would get a call about my father committing suicide when we had not heard from him or didn't know where he was, I now have that same fear about my brother. I'm always most comfortable when he is in jail because at least then I know he is mostly safe and we know right where to find him. I always liked my father best when he was in jail too, it kept him sober and he seemed to like himself more too. I think it's the falling of the wagon or the desperation they feel trying to get sober that must be the worst times for them but either way in jail they stay sober so it isn't a problem.

I know that may seem cold but I have a feeling many of you may understand it.

Peasy

Solo- I understand exactly what you're saying. I am an addict too. 3 years ago I told my wife I was going to die, and I meant within a few days. She loved me enough to get me into a hospital where they rehydrated me and got me to be able to eat some food. After 5 days in the hospital (where my wife is an R.N.), the Dr. friend of hers and the staff got me into a rehab center where I stayed for another 30 days.
Addicts suffer a lot with guilt and shame. These two emotions are the leading cause of continued abuse of anything. I was addicted to pain killers. OCs, morphine, heroin- just about anything to help kill "the pain". The majority of my pain was emotional and there were lots of times in my life that i thought it would be better just to end it all. These thoughts came on the heels of binges when drinking or doping, even gambling. Believe it or not, the guilt and shame we feel for our actions, and the hurt it causes the people we love, is the thing that perpetuates the usage.
I've been dope free since leaving that rehab 3 years ago, but if it weren't for the help of an alcaholic talking to me and sharing his story it would not have been possible. I could not have done it on my own, no matter how much I loved the people around me. The theraputic help of one alcaholic to another (or any addiction) is unmatched by any other means. I'm living proof of that.
I'll pray that your brother (and dad if he's still alive) finds that person that knows him better than his own mama. If he would ever want to talk to me, then hook us up.

solosater

Peasy, thanks so much for sharing, and I do mean that! My father has passed away and while I'm sad he's gone on another level I'm glad his suffering has ended; I do know that addicts suffer everyday in ways most will never understand. My brother is not ready to admit that using in not healthy or that he has a "problem". Curiously enough he has recently stopped smoking and is reducing his methadone intake (I don't know how he's doing it without help but it seems to be working for him; I only hope it lasts).

They say Weight Watchers is the only weight lose scheme that has any history of actually working and I think that is because of the group meetings and the support system; AA is very similar I think. AA, NA,CA and other 12 step programs offer a safe place to be real about what is going on in your mind without the pressure of the family, the law, the doctors, and the rest of so called normal society.

I visited an AA meeting with my father once; I was not completely surprised by what goes on there as it has become something we see even on TV but what really did shock me was that whether you had been sober for 10 hours, 10 days or 10 years you were welcomed and supported in your quest for sobriety. I don't think it ever gets so easy to stay sober that you don't need the help and I think those who are still going to meetings after 10, 20, or 30 years will say the same.

I've been told that (and don't quote these numbers, I'm making a best guess) something like 80% of alcoholics are in the top 10% in intelligence. I'm not sure how the numbers really look but I do know my brother was off the charts on every IQ test he ever took and my father was amazing at everything he did whether it was writing music or building houses. On the other hand neither could sit with you for more than five minutes and not start wanting to pull your hair out and kick you in the shins; they had no tolerance for "stupidity". When someone says they are driven to drink I often wonder if it isn't at least a little true. I know that I personally have a low tolerance for "stupid" as well and find it hard to deal with the public at times, while I don't drink to deal with it I'm only at genius level (no, really) and I find other ways to cope.

Anyway my point is that I think some addicts drink or use to numb their mind so they can function in a world filled with people who think differently and who cannot even hope to keep up. Guilt and shame could start some on the path but I think it is more a byproduct than a cause for many. That wouldn't be true in cases of abuse and PTSD and even pain or mental illness but I think the number of addicts out there just trying to cope with the rest of us is high.

Am I off my rocker? Perhaps. And one way or another the end result is the same, addiction and all the crap that goes with it.

Peasy I'm glad you asked for help and received such good care. I hope you are able to hold onto sobriety and continue to help other do the same but if the time comes when you do back slide always know that you can overcome it with a little help from your friends.