midnightpoet

Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.

midnightpoet

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

midnightpoet

Tact is for people not witty enough to be sarcastic.

potatoesoftheworld

The sarcasm society: Like we need your support

How come Elmo can color on the walls and i can't?

Why doesn't Dora ever tell her parents about the fox that stalks her?

Baind-aids don't help, but they make me feel better

It's funny how Disney thinks all their actor's can double as singers.

If Walt Disney watched Disney channel today, he'd cry

matthew

If I had it to do all over again, I would start at the end and work my way back...

potatoesoftheworld

My friend wrote this one after her big emotional break up with this guy:
Guy's are like hairbrushes. The take a little bit of you every day, and always go missing somehow.

potatoesoftheworld

Here's a story:
THE BOY WHO WISHED FOR A BICYCLE
Once there was an native american italian boy. This boy came from a very prestigious indian italian catholic home. One day he saw all the kids riding their bikes and he asked his mother, "Mom, all the other kid's on our block have one, can i please have a bycycle?" His mother said no and to speak with his father.

The boy asked his father. His father called him stupid and to write a letter to god.
In native american tribes, the number 3 is always lucky.

So the boy wrote:
"Dear god, please can i have a bike."
But the boy was not satisfied so he threw it away.

The boy wrote:
"Dear god, i would really love a bike."
But the boy was still not satisfied and threw it away.

The boy went downstairs and picked up very carefully the virgin mary statue and very carefully put it in his dresser droor. He then wrote.

"Dear god, If you ever want to see your mother again..."

lilalee

Thats funny!! I was a mass in a Catholic church, and this little boy kept swinging the rosary back and forth. Finally his mother said "why do you keep doing that?" The boy replied, "I'm taking Jesus for a ride!"

Login

If I'd known what a joy grandchildren could be, I would have had those first.

matthew

LOL... Login, that was one of my mother's favorite sayings... (she told it to me regularly) ...

Dragon

When life gives you lemons... cut them in half and squirt the juice in the eyes of your enemies!

potatoesoftheworld

What's this thing you call "NORMAL"?
is it contagious?!
OMG!!
DON'T TOUCH ME!
I MIGHT CATCH YOUR "NORMAL"!!

The more you learn,
the more you know,
the more you know,
the more you forget,
the more you forget,
the less you know
so.. why learn?

It's a beautiful day! now watch some idiot screw it up

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues

Qsilv

'Normal' is a line running through a bunch of dots without ever actually touching any of 'em.

Login

"Wot I sez is, life may not be all you want it to be, but it's all yer'v got, so stick a feather in yer 'at and be 'appy!"

Login

You'll know when your getting old ... when you sit in a rocking chair and you can't make it go.

Login

... and your back goes out more often than you do.

potatoesoftheworld

How many divorced men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?




















how many?

























like they get the house

lilalee

Good one, Tater!!

Dragon

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?










How many?







2, but how did they get in the lightbulb in the first place?

(Hope that wasn't too risque for this thread)

Ash12

How many dummies dose it take to be smart


NONE!!!!!They cant be smart if there dumd